I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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