I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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