Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
