I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
