My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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