My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
