I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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