I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize