Farmville is her only friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
