speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize