you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
