I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
