He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
