I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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