so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
