is your mom at the bar?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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