Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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