I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
