Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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