I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
