i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
