Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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