why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
