see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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