just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
