butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
