I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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