return my video game
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
don't judge my taste in strippers
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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