I wish I only lived at night.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
