I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
