I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
