so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize