i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
