Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
