would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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