I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Are we still banned from the library?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
