Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
