Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
