It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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