I hate your face
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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