Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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