Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
