This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
