It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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