Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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