I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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