Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize