Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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