1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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