if you like me you must not know who I am
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
