my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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