So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
