if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
