wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize