I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How does it feel to date your dad?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
