he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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