I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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