bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize