i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
