Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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