Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
