Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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