a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
