I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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