My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
