no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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