You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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