his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
