Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My vagina just clenched in fear
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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