so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
