We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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