guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
