when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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