Can i not drive my cunt home
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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