Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
