are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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