I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
