i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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