i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
