I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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