I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
