I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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