I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize