Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
