I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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