Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
