I'm drive I can fine osifer
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
