why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
