drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
