you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
