dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
