my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
