If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
