After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
