I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
