I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
