i would punch a child for taco bell
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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