I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
