i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
