you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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