She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
