I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
