So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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