So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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