East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
